Post by Sea Wolf on Mar 29, 2013 17:49:32 GMT -5
Hello, my name is Sea and I will be standing in as Moorclan moderator for a bit because I do see a few minor problems here.
The only problem is her suffix. I've heard -flight is often used to describe a cat who is very agile and makes impressive jumps. If that's what you're meaning to imply, the traditional variation of flight is -tail. But if Dawntail doesn't fit your fancy, you can always check this list for another suffix: ailuronymy.tumblr.com/suffixes
She has quite a lovely description, but I don't think Dawn- fits a blue tabby well enough to pass, to be honest. It probably could, though, if the stripes are very pale and don't stand out much against her base coat. C:
She's abnormally short, since the average height of a cat is 10 inches. I know you described her as petite, but was she a runt?
Wales does have hawks, but Hawk- references the North American variety. In Wales, there are only two types of hawks: the Goshawk and the Sparrowhawk. Since those are compound words, they can't be used as a prefix. :C
I'm not sure about this one. Training in Moorclan has to be pretty tough since that clan has the short end of the stick, in terms of prey and exposure. Apprenticeship is definitely not peachy, especially if your character is having a bad day. It's acceptable for her to be a fast learner, but she must have had more trouble learning some things than others, yeah?
A few moons isn't enough time for a warrior to become experienced enough to train an apprentice. Bump this latency period up a little bit, please, preferably to a year or more. C:
Your roleplay sample was fine~ I only have one complaint:
Wales has a large variety of finches. But it's the same problem as with hawk; all of their common names are compound words, and that simply won't do.
Overall, your character seems very nice. If you make the changes I have suggested here, she should be all ready to enter the system~
NOTE: Normally, I would let leaders and clan moderators handle auditions. But since Willowstar has not been on the forums in 5 days, and there is no active Moorclan moderator, I've taken it upon myself to write this up so Dawnflight can fix what she needs to. Hopefully, Willowstar will be on again soon to evaluate it herself. ;u;
Name: Dawnflight (Not sure if acceptable, tell me if not ^-^)
The only problem is her suffix. I've heard -flight is often used to describe a cat who is very agile and makes impressive jumps. If that's what you're meaning to imply, the traditional variation of flight is -tail. But if Dawntail doesn't fit your fancy, you can always check this list for another suffix: ailuronymy.tumblr.com/suffixes
Dawnflight is a petite she-cat, the colors of a light blue-gray pelt and a darker gray addition of stripes. Her eyes are small, and the color of a deep green.
She has quite a lovely description, but I don't think Dawn- fits a blue tabby well enough to pass, to be honest. It probably could, though, if the stripes are very pale and don't stand out much against her base coat. C:
5 in and 7 lb
She's abnormally short, since the average height of a cat is 10 inches. I know you described her as petite, but was she a runt?
Hawkpaw
Wales does have hawks, but Hawk- references the North American variety. In Wales, there are only two types of hawks: the Goshawk and the Sparrowhawk. Since those are compound words, they can't be used as a prefix. :C
The she-cat learned her apprentice skills with few troubles, with her mentor almost rarely snapped at her to do it over because she did it wrong.
I'm not sure about this one. Training in Moorclan has to be pretty tough since that clan has the short end of the stick, in terms of prey and exposure. Apprenticeship is definitely not peachy, especially if your character is having a bad day. It's acceptable for her to be a fast learner, but she must have had more trouble learning some things than others, yeah?
And after a few moons...she became mentor
A few moons isn't enough time for a warrior to become experienced enough to train an apprentice. Bump this latency period up a little bit, please, preferably to a year or more. C:
Your roleplay sample was fine~ I only have one complaint:
Finchpaw
Wales has a large variety of finches. But it's the same problem as with hawk; all of their common names are compound words, and that simply won't do.
Overall, your character seems very nice. If you make the changes I have suggested here, she should be all ready to enter the system~
NOTE: Normally, I would let leaders and clan moderators handle auditions. But since Willowstar has not been on the forums in 5 days, and there is no active Moorclan moderator, I've taken it upon myself to write this up so Dawnflight can fix what she needs to. Hopefully, Willowstar will be on again soon to evaluate it herself. ;u;